Do We Want to Be the Church?

"Going to church" is a concept completely foreign to the Bible.

The church is not a building. It's not a place to go.
The church is not an event. It's not an activity to do.
The church is not a club. It's not a game to play.

Rather, the church is something to BE. It is the bride of Christ, the living breathing children of God.

Do we really want to be the church?

I've been thinking about this question quite a bit over the past few weeks. Ever since I was asked by an elder with whom I meet regularly. In no real particular order, below are some of the questions I've been asking myself:

• Do I really want to "do life" with other brothers and sisters in Christ?
• Do I really want the church more than I want my life lived my way?
• Do I really want my time with the church to be dominated by talk of Christ?
• Am I willing for my home to be shared with the church?
• Am I willing to simply drop by others' homes?
• Am I willing for others to simply drop by my home at any time?
• Am I willing to have a completely disruptable life?
• Am I willing to live within "life distance" from others rather than driving distance?
• Am I willing to live in a neighborhood "below my means" to live among the church?
• Am I willing to live in a home that may be "too small" to live among the church?
• Am I willing to sacrifice my routines for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to sacrifice my leisure activities for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to eat what I'd rather not for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to change my plans for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to arrange my schedule for the benefit of the church rather than myself?
• Am I willing to sacrifice my children's activities for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to sacrifice my children's homework time for the sake of the church?
• Am I willing to disrupt my children's routines for the sake of the church?
• Do I really want my children to experience the church rather than "Sunday school"?
• Do I really want to children to experience the church more than what the world has to offer?

In essence, am I willing to sacrifice "my"?

Questions I continue to ponder.

Everyone Needs to Chillax; The Kids are Alright

Let me tell you about my last night in my own apartment in China.

I was packing up boxes and suitcases, getting ready to move in with some friends for the last two weeks of my time in China. My son had gone to sleep, and it was about 12:30 at night. About that time a friend texted or called me (I'm not sure which) and asked if I wanted to go out for shaokao (Chinese BBQ). It was going to be one of if not the last opportunity for us.

What was I to do? I surely couldn't wake my son up. Yet I didn't want to pass up this opportunity. I did what any reasonable father would do: I made sure my son's door was locked, and I went out for shaokao on the streets 18 floors below my apartment.

Now, before you go calling DHS on me, let me take you through my thought process:

• I had lived in the house for several years, and never once has there been a fire. That is, there had been at least 1000 days and no fire.
• In my entire adult life (including several sketchy Chinese dwellings, one with exposed wiring) the only fire I'd ever experienced was a grease fire I myself caused. 
• My apartment had a safety door that makes an American single deadbolt look like a Chinese finger trap game in comparison. No potential kidnappers or worse were getting through that door.
• My son's bedroom windows had bars on them, so although we lived on the 18th floor, it was not possible for him to climb up and fall out of the windows.
• My son had never had any kind of serious problem while sleeping. While sleeping, he had always simply slept.

In all respects, statistically speaking, there was absolutely no harm in leaving him safely locked in his room for one hour while I went just outside to enjoy a meal with a friend.

Could I ever do that in the US? A local friend of mine (a native Arkansan) grew up in France. He said it's common for parents to go out for a nightcap after children have gone to bed. Others have told me similar stories of other countries. In many (possibly most) parts of the world, this kind of life is normal. It's not seen his negligence. Its not seen as uncaring or irresponsible. It's simply life in the knowledge that the occasional accident is probably not going to happen. Not that it won't, mind you, but that the likelihood is statistically insignificant.

It seems that many in the US people would think of me as a terrible or irresponsible parent. If I did the same in the US (and people knew about it), I'd be risking a visit from child welfare authorities. Somehow here in the US however we've lost all sensibility. Somehow honest recognition of risk has turned into outright paranoia. Somehow awareness of potential danger has caused our society to react with overbearing policing to the peril of reasonable parenting.

Everyone just needs to chillax. The kids are alright.

*A previous version of this post somehow de-published itself and reverted to an old draft. This post is a rewritten version, and it is unfortunately not as good as the first, in my opinion. I apologize.

Hopes for my children

Baby dedications were happening at the church we attended last weekend. It was here, if you must know. One particular dedication struck me: that of a family dedicating three children they'd adopted last month. I don't know any particulars. Were they brothers and sister prior to adoption? Were they the children of relatives? I don't know anything, but it moved me.

But digress.

What I really want to write about is the "life verse" practice. Each family had a verse picked out for the each child being dedicated. Not a bad practice. I suppose the verses are the hopes of those parents for those children. It led me to ask what I would cite for my children.

The immediate answer that came to mind was, "Weep with those who weep." As I sat there, I started thinking through that passage from Romans 12, realizing that I don't think I could do a life verse. I love context too much. It would have to be a life passage.

Here's the passage within some context:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation.
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
“But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21)

I can't explain why this stands out to me, but as I sat there ruminating the text, I can to the conclusion that, yes, this is what I want for my boys. It's what I want to see in me. I don't think it's an idealistic picture of life. It's a call to really live.

I'm not there. I hope to be. I hope my boys will be.

And just to be provocative: It's difficult to never pay back evil, to feed an enemy, and to overcome evil with good when pointing a gun at that enemy.

Fatherhood and "danger" in the US

Standing on the edge having just climbed the retaining wall

In China I somewhat prided myself in the fact that we let our son do things that many Chinese parents and grandparents simply would not let their kids do. I liked that my son did "dangerous" things like jumping off ledges twice as tall as himself, climbing ladders a month after he started walking, putting sand on his head, running on the grass. (Yes, I've actually heard Chinese grandparents tell their grandchildren not to run while on grass because it's dangerous.)

Now in the US I find myself nervous. I know CPS employees and hear their stories. I hear other parents comment about what kids can and can't do. I feel like I'm on a fence, trying not to fall off into the "irresponsible parent" side.

Here are some questions I've found myself asking, some to myself and some out loud, some more ridiculous than others:

• If I get a tricycle for my son, will he need a bike helmet?
• Is it okay that I let him run around the backyard shoeless, knowing that there are occasional sand burrs in the grass?
• Can I just let him play in the mud in the mostly dry creek bed?
• People won't think we're neglecting him because his hair is long, will they?
• It's okay to let him climb up the retaining wall, right?
• Should I tell him not to walk on top of the retaining wall?
• Will I get blamed if he gets bit by a snake or a black widow?

I know why I'm nervous. It seems all Chinese have heard the story (it may have been a movie) of a Chinese parent losing custody of their children in the US after giving the child a cupping treatment. Cupping is thought to prevent certain illnesses, and the process leads to large bruises. In the US, this was considered abuse. I've been asked by many Chinese, "Is this true? Would police really take away children for this?"

I don't know if CPS would take children away for cupping or not. If so, it really reveals a lack of cultural knowledge and a hypersensitive idea of what constitutes a danger to a child's wellbeing.

But could they? It has me worried. How crazy is it in the US now?

The scary thing is that I don't know. The funny thing is also that I don't know.